This is not the original Little Red Riding Hood… Elie, 1998

This is not the original Little Red Riding Hood. The original was cooked up hundreds of years ago by some guy who didn’t have the tiniest but of imagination. The original was no good so I decided to make it more exciting. And here it is:

Once upon a time on the Moon there lived Little Red Riding Hood. Her friend, Jane, who lived on Earth, was feeling ill so Riding Hood decided to go over and bring her some blue cheese from the Moon, And she did. The simple but courageous Little Red Riding Hood set off at 11:00 AM (so she would get to Jane’s at noon) on her spaceship with her bundle of cheese beside her. She turned on the motor and she was off! Little Red Riding Hood was leaving her home on the Moon and was off to Earth. She was going to Jane’s house.

59 minutes later…

The time had come and Riding was at Jane’s house. She rang the doorbell. Jane answered, « Hello, Red. » « Hello, Jane, » said Riding Hood, « Come on in! »

Once arriving inside the mansion, Hood gave Jane the Moon cheese that she had promised to bring. Jane was very happy when the received it, and immediately ate it all.

Jane started to speak. « In the original Little Red Riding Hood, a wolf comes along. I’m glad there’s not a wolf in this story, » « Yeah, » said Red, relieved. « THAT’S WHAT YOU THINK!! » boomed a voice. « I’m worse than a wolf! I’m a green, slimy, gooey alien that zaps people! RRR! » The thing jumped on Jane and zapped her on the head.

Suddenly a man in a tank, who was leaving his job as a guard, burst the door off its hinges. He was a special guard who watched a bank from his tank. Lots of robbers attempted to steal from this bank, so they needed a very skilled guard. He stayed in his tank while guarding, but now he was on his way to guard another bank.

Anyway, the guard tank driver, Bob, peeped in the window and noticed al the action taking place. So he asked Riding Hood what was going on. Red said that the alien had zapped Jane and she begged the guard to shoot the alien. That’s what he did. The tank driver shot the alien and took Jane to the hospital where her head was cured. She thanked the tall tank driver and went with Little Red Riding Hood to her house.

They each had a nice, hot baked potato to celebrate Jane’s survival. (if you know what I mean).